In a matter of eleven hours (that includes at least a 6-hour sleep) I am about to hit the wrong track again...
A good opportunity to do wrong came. It is tempting, I am tempted. I figured out such days will always come. Such days that had granted me good, free and liberating feelings. I thought it didn't make me any less of a person that people think I am and it actually didn't because nothing has changed. I lived on just the same... Nevertheless, it took away a part of me... A part of me that I loved, a part of me that I never knew has an individual existence and I cannot even be particular what it is called.
The good part of the wrong didn't last. Late nights haunted me. I want to return to that cocoon I call home. I was too proud and aggressive to accept that I wasn't ready just yet. I was rushing and excited... For someone who is well known for her patience, heart and aspiration, I am a terrible failure. It could have been slow, wonderful, and special if I was humble enough to acknowledge my limitations.
It is very hateful that it took seven huge mistakes to realize that I no longer want to commit an eighth or ninth or tenth. I have had my own share of learning-the-hard-way experiences, I want to be over it . I looked back where I saw that for almost two months since then I managed to go back doing things I have always loved to do. Boring things that makes me truly just the uncomplicated, comprehensive "me".
Again, I think. I always think, but this time I urge myself to think what is right in order to do what is right (though I have no idea how would that be possible). For sometime, I have lost my grip on faith but I believe I came back stronger.
It is so difficult and painful to be doubtful on trusting one's self however I will do my best. With a baggage of responsibilities that cannot ever be abandoned, I must. Generally speaking, if I want things to work out, I must make ways to work it out. "Starting over" has never been my favorite phrase in the world so I am going to settle for "moving on".
It all comes down to being superhero-brave to save myself, protect myself. The superpower is in the mind to nourish with learning and experiences and enlighten with the significance of life and living.
Tonight, I sleep late. Tomorrow, I make it right.